of moments i do not understand

the same old story all over again.

2010-05-08T08:52:00.000-07:00

You came home, we worked it out, it was all roses. you said I love you, and I did too. You flew back and we worked it out still. A few months passed and things got ugly, you called and wanted out. So it's back to square one, we said we'll wait till summer to talk about it, so summer It is. but I know that when summer comes we'll both part ways. Till then, I wish you well, and that my heart still beats for you.

and if i never see your smile again, well, at least I'll have the ones of us still smiling in the summer of 2009.

take care baby.

waiting.

2009-02-24T22:35:00.000-08:00

could i have met you in the sandbox, could i have passed you on the sidewalk, could i have missed my chance, and watched you walk away~

no i haven't, because I've found you, and as long as it's been since I've last heard your voice or seen you, i still want to be with you. please call, I'm still waiting.

and come home soon, love.

what if.

2009-02-23T17:23:00.000-08:00

what if tomorrow never comes?
will you be able to say goodbye to yesterday?would you go in peace?would the people you care for and those who cared for you know how much he/she/they meant to you.

what if you woke up one day and you realised you're dead?
would you be able to face the fact that you are dead? knowing that you have achieved everything in life? or would you curse and swear knowing that you have not done the things you wanted to do or loved. to care for the people who needed you or tell them i "i love you" one last time.

what if you woke up one day and you don't remember anything?
you forget who you are, where you've been, who your friends are, the things you've done. would you feel lost? alone? puzzled? amused? or would you just sit there, afraid to move out of bed into this biiiig unknown world you once knew? you start screaming and your mum comes in and you give her that blank look, the look that says "who are you" would you be able to pick yourself up and continue on with life?

what if you knew when your time was up?
would you still take things for granted? would you then, and ONLY then live your life everyday with no regrets? would you do the things you said you wanted to do, and not say "next time la, next time" would it give you a new perspective on life? would you write down a list of things you've wanted to do and cross them off one by one, like a bucket list. or would you live your life as per normal and just wait to die.

so many what if's and so many possibilities. i had a dream i died, and i cried in my dream, because i have not done the things i wanted to do in life, i have taken so many things for granted, the littlest things like being able to see, to walk, to smell, to listen, to feel, or even the fact that i got to see another day, to be able to see my parents, to feel the warmth of the sun.i am not afraid of death, only afraid of letting the people i leave behind down, and realising that from there on,i will be all alone. if there's one thing i fear most, it's loneliness. you can have everything in the world but if you are alone and have no one to share them with, then you are a very sad person indeed. i woke up from this dream and it made me think, made me think enough to write this down so that when one day i read back on this i would laugh about it, and maybe thank god for letting me have that dream so that i understand life a little bit better.

so if you wake up tomorrow, thank god for the day ahead.
if you love someone, tell him/her that you love them and love them with all your heart.
if you have something you want to do, do it. if you're not able to, nevermind, do something else that you want to do.

don't let life pass you by, because it can and it WILL. (:

tomorrow is a gift, not a right.

first post all over again.

2009-02-12T07:54:00.001-08:00

new blog. new entry. first post all over again (:

thanks to Lynnie and Marcus and everyone else who insisted to start blogging again, so here goes my 2nd attempt. erase the first blog. i'm no longer gonna be updating over there. EVER. :D

UPDATE!

I've enlisted into NS. OH WOE! and recently recently passed out and got posted into the police coast guards! don't ask me about my job scope, because if you knew i would have to kill you. hahah but other than that, life's pretty gooooood. i get to work for 2 days then I'm off for 2 days and it goes on like that till i ORD, or so i heard :S but oh well, can't complain, i have more time to do other things this way. oh oh! i've finally decided to start my driving yeaaaah, and thinking back i kinda regretted not learning when i was at NYP, the school was next to ours only, like STUPID can. now i have to go to CDC. so farrr away. but thanks to those who pushed me, i know i was very lazy but now i have no choice already la. >.< so gambatte! hope i can get my license in 6 months, then i can drive my mums MX5 with its hood down and go zoom zoom!

and valentines day is just one day away! mummy says it too commercialized these days, and i agree with her, you don't need valentines day as an excuse to reaffirm your love for someone. hahaha, as for me? I'm spending valentines day like any other day because my significant other is overseas lol. will just drop her an email and that will do. i just can't stand it when i see couples carrying the same thing everywhere you go on valentines day hahah, flowers, and maybe chocs. no originalityyy.

oh and I'm going to shoot my uncles wedding in march. gosh, first time shooting something this important, i hope i don't screw it up. >< must NEVER screw up peoples wedding photos. it can go into my portfolio too, so, win win i suppose (: I'm still doing my photography of course, with new lenses and lomos, added the color splash to my collection thanks to the special someone. <3 ((: haven't tried it yet but soon okay! will post new pics as soon as I've edited them.

oh yeah, this years New Years Resolution, was, to, ahem, join a marathon and complete it. and well, I've signed up for one and now all that's left is to complete it hahaha omg wish me luck! there are others of course, like play in a gig, license etc etc. but the marathon is the one i want most, to prove to myself that i can do something like that, even though i know my leg will surely hurt, i have to try. 30th May 2009. bring it on! and its a night race, so conditions won't be toooo bad. and i like the route, so that's another plus. been enjoying running recently, maybe cause when i run i don't think of other things, just whats in front of me and i justtt keep runninggg. so keep running i will.

i don't know why but i think my thinking has changed on alot of things. certain views, they've all changed. hmmm maybe cause I'm beginning to grow up, and taking alot of things more seriously. my future for example, I'm going to do my best once I'm out of the force. going to study architecture or product design, preferably somewhere overseas, not sure where yet but i hope that in due course I'm able to find somewhere. pursue your dreams. and never quit. (: so try my best i will!

so many things to write down! shall save them for tomorrows entry. (:

till then.